I have just now come to a final conclusion that I do indeed have some sort of personality disorder. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll get it looked at. But what I have also concluded, is that my overall personality is either one of two people, and that depends on my state of mind. If I am cynical, apathetic, or being controversial/trying to evoke negative responses from people, it just means I am extremely depressed or unhappy at that time in my life. People telling me I’m a shitty person will feed that ego and make me worse. I will brainwash myself into thinking evil is good. If I am actually against something bad/evil, it means I’m currently happy. I have no reason to convince myself that I have no heart when I’m in this state of mind, because this personality of mine is my true self, a loving person. Over the years of people treating me like shit, I developed a separate personality as a defense mechanism, and my true stubbornness always convinces myself that this is who I really am. Although, my subconscious knows I am not.
So if you think I’m the devil, it’s all in my head and what you see before you is all a charade I play with myself to deal with whatever pain is bothering me.
Now you know my secret.