my favorite people are always the people that everyone hates. because outside their harsh facade, i see the same person inside of them that i see in me. i love the misunderstood people, because i feel that i connect with them the most. they have been though so much. people just see the actions and the persona they put out to hide who they are, but they never try to get to know the person. i study people. then again i am the one who’s obsessed with murderers and serial killers. but hey that’s just me. i am inspired by the things that people hate.
I honestly believe deep down in my heart, I don’t want to be loved. I don’t like being loved, it makes me uncomortable. I don’t like to be chased. I only like to chase after what I can’t have. I was only meant to love, not be loved in return. I think that’s the way it will always be for me.
I’ve had points in my life where I stopped trying at absolutely everything because I was convinced I was going to just end my life that week. And I’d sit around or maybe talk to myself and think of what explanation I was going to give people for why I was leaving them all. Sometimes I’d start writing out a suicide note, but I never finished writing one. Eventually I talked myself out of it. It still breaks my heart when I think about it though; How you can be so certain you want to die at some point. And now, I look at my life and I realize maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was at the time. I thought I would have no future. I thought I had no purpose. But it seems that every problem has a solution someday. Every hard time I’ve ever had, they eventually got better. I realize now how silly it was to give up. I’m glad I’m still here. Sometimes it is hard to be optimistic, sometimes it feels like there’s no point to keep going. But when you really look at it, this is life and this is all we have. It’s not always going to be easy. So why give up on it? What a waste that would be.
when attractive people compliment me it makes me nervous so i start acting weird and hiding from them cause im embarassed and then they start watching me and that makes me more embarassed so im like ah what do i do so i try to hide from them walking around them in circles while hiding my face and saying weird things like HELP I FEEL WEIRD HELP and this is why guys dont date me
i believe life has no purpose. but you can give it a purpose. i don’t believe in god, or hell or heaven. i don’t believe there are reasons for anything. but i believe you can make the best of what you have, and you can be glad you are alive. we live in such an amazing planet, with so many amazing people who share different ideas, different cultures. but at the end of the day, we’re all humans. we all have brains, we all are of importance to eachother in some way or another. i love life. it’s rocky. it’s up and it’s mostly down. but it’s all we have.
If you love someone, you are lucky. Next time you are with them, and you start overthinking or worrying or getting annoyed with them, you should stop and think for a second. Stop and look around you. They are there, right in front of you. Even if they are busy doing something, not paying attention to you, or even just sleeping; They are right there. My only regret in life is ruining my own happiness with worrying and being selfish. Two years have passed since you’ve been here with me, and the only thing that I could ever wish for were to have those moments back; those moments that i ruined with anxiety. It’s taken me years to realize love isn’t about what you get back. If you love someone, you give everything you can. Love is being happy with someone for the sake of being happy with them. See if you were here again, you wouldn’t even have to pay attention to me. You could just be sleeping on the other side of my bed. Just knowing that you are here in the same room, peacefully sleeping; that would be all I needed. Just to look over and see you, that’s all I want now. You wouldn’t need to say a word, you wouldn’t even have to love me back.
Be happy if you are with someone you love. Stop worrying if they love you back, stop worrying why they are sleeping instead of talking to you, stop worrying why they don’t text you back, just stop worrying about how they feel and you’ll appreciate how you feel. I regret all the worrying. I regret it and think about it every single day.